A Maried Black Couple Explains: 3 Things Women & Men Want For Relationship Magic

Everyone has wants, every single one of us has dreamed about that perfect guy or that perfect girl.  Many of us have long, long lists of must haves.  But what is it we really want?  What will make us say yes “He is the One!” or “There goes my future wife!”

For the past nine years, we have been blessed to have had thousands of couples visit the theater, enjoy and be moved by Platanos Y Collard Greens, our hilarious tale of two college students who fall in love, until mom finds out and has a heart attack! We’ve had the enormous pleasure of watching the audience laugh till it hurts and of having them tell us how it leaves them feeling triumphant, knowing that love conquers all.

Read:WHERE DID OUR LOVE GO: Love & Relationships In The African American Community

Over the years when people have found out that we work together twenty-four seven and that we have not only not killed each other, but that our love has grown stronger, they demand to know our secrets. The result is our much loved relationship guide: Perfect Combination: Seven Key Ingredients to Happily Living & Loving Together.  We have been thrilled by the readers’ response. Many people have said, “If people read this book, there would never be another divorce or breakup!” We are cheerleaders for love, and our mission is to spread the message of love and happiness by sharing some of the things we’ve learned so that everyone can live and love happily.

He Says: What Men Want

Men want to be friends and lovers too

I know it’s a lot to ask ladies, but men are inconveniently demanding that way. We want a woman who we can share our interest with, from our adult aspirations (like wanting to open a business) to our hobbies (whether it be Hip Hop Karaoke or going to the movies or watching the NBA Finals (and feigning enough interest to let us talk strategy and complain about the refereesJ). In short, we want a friend. Jamillah and I are friends and lovers. In fact, Jamillah is my best friend. Now, I know that she doesn’t like basketball as fanatically as me, but I love that we can go to a Knicks game together and cheer a last second game winning shot as happened the last time we went! I know that she’s not into comic books like me, but I love that for Valentine’s Day she bought me a Green Lantern ring (not that I’m wearing it in publicJ). I also know that it’s not a one-way street. It’s about balance and I have to be open to being interested in things that she’s likes as well. For example, without Jamillah, I wouldn’t even know that HGTV existed (for all you guys (or for all the uninitiated– that’s Home and Garden Television), but the truth is, now we’re both fans of House Hunters, and we both love Top Chef. She’s trying to get me into the Housewives shows, but I have to draw the line somewhere.

Read:Get Brave And Embrace Opportunity

 Men want a woman who they can share laughs with

I always knew that laughter was important in any relationship, but now I appreciate even more how important it is that you share a sense of humor. I’m a very serious person, but I like to laugh, every day, all day. Laughter can brighten up any day and lighten up those moments when you forget something or when you don’t always present the best you. Keeping each other laughing is essential to helping couples be friends and lovers. For Jamillah and me, even though we are business partners, it’s great when we get to be silly together! Like when on the spur of the moment we decided to go ice skating together fully knowing that neither of us had ever put on a pair of skates before, and secretly wondering which one would chicken out first. And even though we were holding on to the rail for dear life, we had a great time making fun of each other as we fought the ice to stay upright and not to fall down and break our necks. Plus laughter is attractive. Jamillah is a natural beauty, but when she’s laughing, her smile is so beautiful, that I’m just wrapped around her finger, and there’s nowhere I would rather be.

Men want a woman who helps us believe in our dreams

I’m a playwright, so it’s only natural that I’m a dreamer. Most people and especially men are dreamers. When we are little boys we have no shame in sharing our dreams, whether it’s that one day we are going to grow up and be better than Michael Jordan or that we are going to be the youngest President ever. As we grow up, however, we slowly become afraid to share our dreams. When we first meet someone who we are excited about, and who inspires us, we find ourselves sharing our dreams again. It feels really amazing when a woman surprises us by doing something that makes us realize that not only is someone listening, but that they are actually actively helping to bring our dreams to reality.

When we first met, Jamillah and I hung on each other’s every word, and we still do. Last Valentine’s Day we were walking around our neighborhood when I noticed that we were taking a long exaggerated route. To my surprise we ended up at a studio where they teach an “Absolute Beginners” Capoeira class. I had been talking about wanting to take a class for a long time, but I hadn’t signed up. What I didn’t realize was that Jamillah had heard me and had taken concrete steps to get me started by signing me up for the class. I love to run my mouth, but Jamillah is a doer.  It’s a beautiful thing when she inspires me to not only dream about my dreams but to make them come to life.

She Says: What Women Want

Women want a man who is not afraid to express his feelings and to let us express ours

David says that in the beginning of our relationship I cried a lot.  It seems weird, but it’s a good thing.  I had a lot of built up sadness from things I was still holding onto from my past.  But for some reason with David I was able to let them go.  It was a process and I certainly did cry a lot.  But he let me express what I was feeling.  He let me cry, but he kept building me up.  And now he cries in front of me.  Not often, but he does.  And it’s a good thing.  We truly are best friends and if you cannot cry in front of your best friend then who can you cry in front of.  Women want a man who is not afraid to express their true wants and needs, who are not afraid to say when they are scared, who are not afraid to say when they are happy or sad.. The great thing is that once we each get past the fear and do express ourselves, our relationships become a whole lot more beautiful and fulfilling and the happier we are.

Women want a man who is willing to be a fool for love!

As women we are constantly judging ourselves, are we fit enough, are we presenting ourselves well enough at work, are we pretty enough, are we stylish enough, are we the best girlfriend, are we the best mother, did we choose the right hair product or the most nutritious meal today, and the list goes on and on.

So as women we want a man who will not add to the judgments, but rather who makes us feel extra special.

I still remember our wedding day, how happy I was, and how David shocked me, nearly making me have a meltdown – in a good way, when he surprised me with a song at our wedding! David doesn’t sing and he doesn’t fancy himself a singer.

But he wanted to give me a song and it blew me away. It was the most amazing thing anyone had ever done for me. Knowing that he’s not singer, but he was willing to be a fool for love in front of all these people meant so much to me. And he’s always been willing to be a fool for me. I remember when we first started dating and after we went to a Knicks game he picked me up and spun me around in front of Madison Square Garden. He has no shame with public displays of affection. In fact, this year for our tenth anniversary, he surprised me again.

At the end of a Platanos Y Collard Greens performance, when we came out to thank the audience, David had planted a guy in the audience who then got up on stage with us and came out with an acoustic guitar (my favorite instrument!) and then one of the actors came out and handed David a crazy-looking bright red, puffy, pirate shirt! Next thing I know David is putting the shirt on, and starts serenading me with Prince’s Adore! I felt like the luckiest and most special girl in the world.

Women want a man who cleans up nice

Women want a man who cleans up nice. I’m not saying that you have to be a fashionista but not wearing socks with holes and the same sweatshirt everyday would help.  David knows that when I give him a certain look it’s time for a shave.  David and I have been married for over 10 years and yes I still want to be romanced and part of that romance is caring about your appearance.  Women want a guy to still care about how he looks because it means that he still cares about how he looks to his girl which means that he still cares about his girl.  It’s true.  That little extra effort, a shave, some cologne, a nicely pressed shirt will make a women fall in love over and over again.  No matter how long you have been together, women still want date night.  While I am often very excited to stay home and curl up and watch a movie with David (especially now that we have a four year old and this is a very rare occurrence), I still want to go out sometimes to see a new play or go to an adults only dinner party, and I still want to be able to get dressed up just like we did when we were dating.  Women want a man who still wants this too, or even if he doesn’t and would rather just stay home and watch the game, who cares enough about her wants to make it happen in surprising and romantic ways.

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David and Jamillah Lamb have been married for 10 years. They founded and have run Between The Lines Productions, Inc. since 2003. Born and raised in Queens, N.Y., David attended the Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs at Princeton University and New York University School of Law. He is the playwright of “Platanos y Collard Greens.” Jamillah Lamb grew up in the same Chicago neighborhood as first lady Michelle Obama. She earned her master’s degree in public policy at Harvard.

Together they wrote Perfect Combination: Seven Key Ingredients to Happily Living & Loving to share what they have learned as successful partners in love and in business. They live in Brooklyn with their daughter. For more information visit David and Jamillah at www.facebook/LovePerfectCombination. Perfect Combination is available at Amazon.com.

Jamillah & David have:

• Each suffered with past relationship-sabotaging behaviors they found hard to let go
• Battled themselves and each other about what was important in their past
• Struggled to figure out that mutual appreciation is more important than gender roles
• Helped each other through hurting times on the way to becoming a family
• Learned you’ve got to let yourself learn love lessons, even when you don’t like the lesson

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